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Epic CEO Tim Sweeney Attempts Hostile Takeover of Oculus

Epic CEO Tim Sweeney Attempts Hostile Takeover of Oculus

A wild scene unfolded earlier this week at the Oculus headquarters in Menlo Park when Epic Games Founder and CEO Tim Sweeney attempted what could only be defined as a hostile takeover of the company.

Wielding a replica Mark 2 Lancer Assault Rifle from Gears of War, a furious Sweeney burst through the front doors of the office and declared,

“I’m here to tear down this walled garden,” before mysteriously holding an action hero pose in silence for ten seconds as a bemused receptionist hovered her finger between the executive secretary’s office button and security.

Somewhat taken aback by the lack of reaction to his initial bravado, Sweeney shifted his position.

“Look here, I demand to speak to the executive board. I refuse to be treated like a second-class citizen. I’m here to take this place down!” Sweeney pounded his armored fist on the receptionist’s desk.

But she was undeterred, “Sir, “ she said, smacking her gum, “if you have a complaint, you can go send a message to someone will respond to you in three to four business days.”

Clearly flabbergasted by the lack of impact of his statements on the Oculus gatekeeper, Sweeney tried to get her attention again launching into a discussion of the openness of platforms before pausing, “Wait, do you know who I am?”

“Yeah, you’re the guy who is about to get security called on him,” she scolded.

“I’m the CEO of Epic games,” he said.


“The guys who made Bullet Train.”

A look of realization swept across her face, “Oh yeah! They let us play that game the other week – it was a blast! You said you made that? One second let me call upstairs.”

She tapped a few buttons on the phone and held up a finger as she waited to connect, “Hi there! We have a Mr. Sweeney here, he says he is here to tear down some wall? … uh huh … uh huh… ok, I’ll tell him.”

Setting down the phone she turned back to Sweeney,

“The executive team would love to meet with you, but I have been told that they are dealing with… uh… another fire in the mailroom right now and are completely unavailable. Can I take a message?”

Sweeney laughed swinging his rifle over his shoulder, “Nah, I think they have enough to deal with right now.”

In case this wasn’t readily apparent, APRIL FOOLS! 





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